If I Could Fix You is a piece that I have been working towards since my grandmother’s death in 2005. She had dementia and consequently committed suicide fearing the dark and knew to despair even without the knowledge of her own loss.
She sewed and even as she clipped away the excess string, she collected it as if all the little snippets could be put together again into thread. These collections looked like mounds of bandages and when her brittle hands grazed them, they appeared to be like bones - the two in dialogue about breaking and mending. Her death makes me consider a soul that is pulled off from a spool, becoming tangled and useless. Ultimately, the loss of memory and the act of self-demonstrated death is caused by the irreparably damaged heart.